It feels like I am slowly losing everything and everyone that makes me happy.
All the lights in my life are turning off, and my sun is resting behind a cloud that will never move.

I feel like I could throw myself off the top of a building and when my body hits the street it would have a smile on it's face, simply because those few short moments of impending death would make me the happiest I have been in a long time.

I'm also growing certain that this excessive drinking is slowly killing me.

So in a form, everything is working out after all.